I woke up today at 4.40 AM, earlier than I have at any day this term. My first thought was of enjoying an hour and 20 minutes of sleep more and I really tried to fall asleep, but I had What's Up? by 4 Non Blondes stuck in my head which was really proving to be a hindrance at this point. I soon became aware of the chirping of the birds outside and when I looked out the window at about 5.10 AM at a beautiful, cloudy dawn, I had the sudden urge to see the sunrise on my last day as an 18 year old.
I quickly put on my hoodie with my shoes in my night dress and walked out at 5.20 AM looking quite ridiculous but at this point, I didn't really care because I really did not want to miss that beautiful sunrise.
While walking down to Waterloo Park and giving in to my brain's cravings of listening to What's Up? on repeat, I couldn't help but think about how I now call my 14 year old self a kid, and I remember thinking I'd never do that when I grow old. When I try and foresee a future, I love how I know that in even two or three years' time, I'm going to look back and call my 18 year old self a kid. This led to me thinking about how every single experience I have changes me and leads me to be the person I am at this very second; how the last day, last month, last ten months, and the last 19 years have shaped me into a conscious, empathetic being who tries really hard to be strong and determined, someone who has learnt that hard work doesn't always pay off, and that everything that happens in life gives one a choice to make about the future.
The last ten months, and especially the last month, has been a roller coaster ride for me where I experienced many emotions and lived through quite a few interesting experiences. I changed in ways I couldn't expect and I was given opportunities that weren't even on my radar. They made me realize the love I hold for my subject, the hope I have for humanity, and the weakness in my heart towards human connection and love.
As I walked up a small hill to get to a better viewing spot right before the Sun was about to rise, I realized how content I was with my own company at that point and I tried to think back to the last time I felt that content with myself. I couldn't. Needless to say, I hadn't felt this content with myself in a very long time. I just loved being out there by myself without anyone's company or the need to fiddle on my phone (I did dance though).
My Mother always says "First, love yourself." And, what better day to realize this than my last one as 18 years old.
I quickly put on my hoodie with my shoes in my night dress and walked out at 5.20 AM looking quite ridiculous but at this point, I didn't really care because I really did not want to miss that beautiful sunrise.
While walking down to Waterloo Park and giving in to my brain's cravings of listening to What's Up? on repeat, I couldn't help but think about how I now call my 14 year old self a kid, and I remember thinking I'd never do that when I grow old. When I try and foresee a future, I love how I know that in even two or three years' time, I'm going to look back and call my 18 year old self a kid. This led to me thinking about how every single experience I have changes me and leads me to be the person I am at this very second; how the last day, last month, last ten months, and the last 19 years have shaped me into a conscious, empathetic being who tries really hard to be strong and determined, someone who has learnt that hard work doesn't always pay off, and that everything that happens in life gives one a choice to make about the future.
The last ten months, and especially the last month, has been a roller coaster ride for me where I experienced many emotions and lived through quite a few interesting experiences. I changed in ways I couldn't expect and I was given opportunities that weren't even on my radar. They made me realize the love I hold for my subject, the hope I have for humanity, and the weakness in my heart towards human connection and love.
As I walked up a small hill to get to a better viewing spot right before the Sun was about to rise, I realized how content I was with my own company at that point and I tried to think back to the last time I felt that content with myself. I couldn't. Needless to say, I hadn't felt this content with myself in a very long time. I just loved being out there by myself without anyone's company or the need to fiddle on my phone (I did dance though).
My Mother always says "First, love yourself." And, what better day to realize this than my last one as 18 years old.
And so I wake in the morning
And I step outside
And I take a deep breath and I get real high
And I scream from the top of my lungs
What's going on?
Great post. But just one question:- did you actually scream?
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