I never expected Grade 11 to be easy. I never expected it to be this hard, either. I wanted to do IB, partly because I could do subjects from all streams in this board, and partly because I wanted to challenge myself. I wasn't disappointed in both aspects. IB teaches me lessons about life I wouldn't have ever learnt otherwise.
Now, physics is my dream. Astronomy is what I am working towards every second of my life. I have interests elsewhere, but I am crazy, mad, psycho about astronomy. I am obsessed with astronomy. So, the indecision and panic I feel when I fail again and again to get a grip on the only subject I care about is intense. Just knowing that this is the last shot you have to correct everything so that you can follow your dreams and live a content life, the way you want it, is overwhelming. Every time, I make a mistake, or don't understand something, its a panicky situation. That knowledge, my own expectations, my parents' expectations and just everything around me comes up on me, pushes me down, forces me to think of different options, makes me indecisive, and makes me want to give up.
Giving up has never been an option for me. Astronomy has stayed through thirteen years of my life, and giving it up is taking my own life. So, now that there are two more years I got to study to establish my foundation, and it's proving to be the most difficult and scary moments of my life, giving up seems very friendly. But, giving up is never a way out, is it? Giving up means not trying; not knowing what could have happened if I hadn't given up. Giving up means completely letting go of the little hope I have left.
Giving up also means a new beginning; a beginning to all those different could haves. Giving up also means a new life, a happy life, a life I was supposed to live. Oh, the dilemma.
Thinking about it now, I don't see why, at the age of 16, should I give up on something so precious to me, Life gets hard, doesn't mean I give up on everything. Isn't that the point of life? Isn't life supposed to throw huge obstacles at you every time? The people who manage to get through all these obstacles are the winners.
So, this is an obstacle I need to face and get through. An obstacle that will make me stronger. Its just a matter of time and my strength to move a step forward and conquer what I love most. Nothing can ever stop my progress to become an astronomer.
Now, physics is my dream. Astronomy is what I am working towards every second of my life. I have interests elsewhere, but I am crazy, mad, psycho about astronomy. I am obsessed with astronomy. So, the indecision and panic I feel when I fail again and again to get a grip on the only subject I care about is intense. Just knowing that this is the last shot you have to correct everything so that you can follow your dreams and live a content life, the way you want it, is overwhelming. Every time, I make a mistake, or don't understand something, its a panicky situation. That knowledge, my own expectations, my parents' expectations and just everything around me comes up on me, pushes me down, forces me to think of different options, makes me indecisive, and makes me want to give up.
Giving up has never been an option for me. Astronomy has stayed through thirteen years of my life, and giving it up is taking my own life. So, now that there are two more years I got to study to establish my foundation, and it's proving to be the most difficult and scary moments of my life, giving up seems very friendly. But, giving up is never a way out, is it? Giving up means not trying; not knowing what could have happened if I hadn't given up. Giving up means completely letting go of the little hope I have left.
Giving up also means a new beginning; a beginning to all those different could haves. Giving up also means a new life, a happy life, a life I was supposed to live. Oh, the dilemma.
Thinking about it now, I don't see why, at the age of 16, should I give up on something so precious to me, Life gets hard, doesn't mean I give up on everything. Isn't that the point of life? Isn't life supposed to throw huge obstacles at you every time? The people who manage to get through all these obstacles are the winners.
So, this is an obstacle I need to face and get through. An obstacle that will make me stronger. Its just a matter of time and my strength to move a step forward and conquer what I love most. Nothing can ever stop my progress to become an astronomer.
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