Happy Birthday!

I woke up today at 4.40 AM, earlier than I have at any day this term. My first thought was of enjoying an hour and 20 minutes of sleep more and I really tried to fall asleep, but I had What's Up? by 4 Non Blondes stuck in my head which was really proving to be a hindrance at this point. I soon became aware of the chirping of the birds outside and when I looked out the window at about 5.10 AM at a beautiful, cloudy dawn, I had the sudden urge to see the sunrise on my last day as an 18 year old.

I quickly put on my hoodie with my shoes in my night dress and walked out at 5.20 AM looking quite ridiculous but at this point, I didn't really care because I really did not want to miss that beautiful sunrise.

While walking down to Waterloo Park and giving in to my brain's cravings of listening to What's Up? on repeat, I couldn't help but think about how I now call my 14 year old self a kid, and I remember thinking I'd never do that when I grow old. When I try and foresee a future, I love how I know that in even two or three years' time, I'm going to look back and call my 18 year old self a kid. This led to me thinking about how every single experience I have changes me and leads me to be the person I am at this very second; how the last day, last month, last ten months, and the last 19 years have shaped me into a conscious, empathetic being who tries really hard to be strong and determined, someone who has learnt that hard work doesn't always pay off, and that everything that happens in life gives one a choice to make about the future.

The last ten months, and especially the last month, has been a roller coaster ride for me where I experienced many emotions and lived through quite a few interesting experiences. I changed in ways I couldn't expect and I was given opportunities that weren't even on my radar. They made me realize the love I hold for my subject, the hope I have for humanity, and the weakness in my heart towards human connection and love.

As I walked up a small hill to get to a better viewing spot right before the Sun was about to rise, I realized how content I was with my own company at that point and I tried to think back to the last time I felt that content with myself. I couldn't. Needless to say, I hadn't felt this content with myself in a very long time. I just loved being out there by myself without anyone's company or the need to fiddle on my phone (I did dance though).

My Mother always says "First, love yourself." And, what better day to realize this than my last one as 18 years old.

And so I wake in the morning

And I step outside

And I take a deep breath and I get real high

And I scream from the top of my lungs

What's going on?  

 

Sweet Sixteen

February 1st, 2002 is a day I don't remember. But, something very important happened on that day. My sister was born. She came into this world as a small, cute baby who was going to take away all my parents' attention from their beautiful single child. Not that I remember, of course. I was 2 years old (2.5 to be precise, she likes it that way). I don't remember the proceeding years either. What I remember has to do with the countless memories my parents froze in time over the years.

I remember looking at photos where I would treat this little bundle of joy, as my parents called her, with curiosity and love. I remember seeing photos of me looming over her, being her 3 year old bodyguard and vowing to protect her from every harm there is in the world. Well, the only things she did at that time was eat and sleep. It was hard not to fall in love with her.

Now comes the time when she grew up. She became 4 years old and her life revolved around me. I was her mentor, her big sister, her guide. She did what I did. She ate the way I did, she played with my friends and I when I did. I was 7 years old. It got in my nerves. "Ma, why is she following me around?!" I remember asking my Mother one day when I just wanted to play with my friends without her around.

Cut, and play! Skip to 5 years later. I'm 12 and she's 9. The only way she would cross a road was by holding my hand. I made sure she was around me when we were in public. I was her caretaker. I didn't want my annoying sister getting lost in the crowd. We choreographed a salsa dance, which is nothing like real salsa. We came up with games to keep us occupied with the sofas in the Drawing Room (don't ask me why we called it that in an apartment). We would swing around in our living room and come up with innovative competitions.

She was a girly-girl and I was a tomboy. I hated dresses and skirts and make up. She lived for them. I thought too much about the future, she was a carefree angel who lived in the moment. We were different and similar at the same time.

She's 12 and I'm 15. She no longer holds my hand when she needs to cross the road. She makes an effort to put up her argument every time we fight. She lashes back, or she tries. I am surprised at this sudden change in my little sister. I don't understand what is happening. My Mother said that is her way of asserting her independence, which happens when you grow up. Hey, I did it too! I drove my parents crazy, at least she is only driving me crazy.

Cut, again. This time she's 15 and I'm 18. I'm about to leave home. Our family of four is going to turn into a family of three, with one person across the world. It saddened me to leave my support system behind, and it saddened me to know that I'm not going to be there for my sister's milestones. I was gone four months. She turned from a bubbly girl to a happy young woman in those months. I encountered a completely different person when I went back home for a week. I couldn't recognize her, and still see her little sister self in her.

It's January 30th, 2018. Her birthday is on 1st February, 2018. She is turning 16. Unlike February 1st, 2002, this is a day I am going to remember for life. This is her first birthday for which I am not around. She has officially become a young woman, and I am not there to experience it.

This is going to be fun. She's 16, and I'm going to be turning 19. She's a tomboy now (but still manages to be way more fashionable than me), I'm more into fashion. She's still a carefree angel living in the moment, while I still overthink about the future. Somethings don't change, like the fact that we're sisters. We've just touched adulthood. Barely. We have our lives to get through side by side, sisters against the world. We have many more stories to exchange and many more arguments to get through.

Happy Birthday, baby sister!